Some relief

So after a week of extreme stress in our family, I think that things are finally calming down. We were all able to sit down and have some family time Saturday night for Mom's birthday. We had Mike and Patricia over for tacos and strawberry shortcake and ice cream. Mom got a Kindle for her birthday, which we think she will really like and use a lot. Shawn got her some flowers and a box of orange sticks, which are her favorite things in the world. The stress seems to be subsiding, which is a blessing. Thank you for all of your prayers. Grandma got to go home on Sunday, her pain is tolerable and she is able to eat! Hallelujah! Jordan, Shawn and I went to go see her Saturday morning and the improvement from Friday evening was incredible. It's amazing what one good night of rest and sleep will do for someone. The doctors said that the pain may very possibly be off and on for the rest of her life. But they said that can be managed with pain meds at first and then hopefully tylenol after that.

So this week we are tackling Dad's oncology appointment. Thursday morning is the day for that. But we are focusing on the positive and hoping that the oncologist will tell us all good things.

Lindsay and the boys will be down Friday. And we have a birthday party for Mom, Aunt Lisa, and Uncle Jimbo on Saturday. Saturday is also Grandpa's birthday (Dad's dad). So everyone wish him a happy birthday! It will be good to have Lindsay and the boys down for the weekend. I know Lindsay was relieved when the doctor said that Grandma would be ok to see the boys, since they haven't had chicken pox yet. So we have a week full of preparation for a busy weekend. But we love those weekends.

I want to say thank you to Shawn for being there for me. Through this past week especially, He has been there, holding me up so that I would be strong enough to help hold up those in my family that really needed it. I am so lucky to have someone who knows just what to say when needed and knows when to just say nothing when needed. I love him so much. My family has been through a lot, and we are still battling, but I know we will make it through. We just have to keep supporting each other and we will make it. Keep praying and thinking positive for us! Thank you

Healing Rain

So we found out today that Grandma can't come home until Sunday. They are pushing her back a couple of days because right now she is having trouble keeping her anti-viral medicine down. We are praying hard that she will be well by this time next week because Lindsay will be here with Dylan and Braeden, and if Grandma still has shingles, the boys won't be able to be around her because they haven't even had chicken pox yet. We are praying for several miracles right now.

Also, one of our good friends from Mulvane, Dane, is in the hospital. There are several problems he's having due to the chemo treatments he's been receiving. Dad went and saw him today at the hospital to offer encouragement and strength.

I am specifically pleading for prayers for Mom. She is stressed to her max right now and I know she is trying as hard as she possibly can to be strong and not let it show, but I know that she has to be close to her breaking point right now. If you know Mom, she is not an emotional person, and doesn't "talk about her emotions" very often. It's just not her personality. But that's one of many reasons we love her, because it makes going to her with important decisions easy, because she can distinguish between and good decision and just doing something for emotional reasons. We aren't sure what to do for mom right now, because she will just tell us that she doesn't need anything. But she does. She needs to be surrounded by your prayers. Prayers of encouragement, prayers for strength, and prayers for understanding. She is always the first to step up to bat for others, so I'm begging that all of you reading this will step up to bat for her. (The softball reference is for you, Mom.)

As I sit here and write this, outside it is pouring. Usually I like watching the rain, but today I really want to be out in the middle of it. Letting it wash me clean and pour peace over me. Through all these hard times, peace is something that our family desperately needs. I know that so many are praying for us and many join the battle each day. I just ask that you add Mom to all those prayers. She needs them more than ever.

Some days are harder than others...

So all of Dad's scans came back clear. Well, except for the cancer we already know about. It hasn't spread any. In fact, the doctor got so much of the tumor when Dad had his biopsy, the cancer spot didn't even show up on the scans because it's embedded in the muscle wall of the bladder. The next step is to go see an oncologist. I don't remember the name of the oncologist that he's going to see. After the oncology visit there is a chance he might go through some chemo prior to the removal surgery. It depends on what the oncologist thinks. The only that did show up on the scans from last week, were that Dad's lymph nodes are enlarged. There is a possibility it isn't the cancer, but there is a possibility that it is. Which is why we are going to see an oncologist. After that visit and possible ordeal, Dad will go back to his urologist, who will then re-evaluate the situation and then it's up to Kansas City to see Dr. Thrasher for the removal surgery. I don't remember the name of the procedure that they are doing, because it's way too long. I do know that I had a mini break down this afternoon while talking to Dad. I've been on a roller coaster for the last couple of weeks. Through all the highs at church, and then through all the lows and the better news with Dad.

On top of all the stress our family is going through, my Mom's mom was taken to the hospital Sunday morning with shingles, and she had been sick and not eating since Friday. With all the stress, this is the last thing Mom needs, is more stress. Grandma is getting better, slowly, but the doctors hope to start her on oral meds tomorrow so she will be able to go home Friday. For those of you who have never met my grandmother (on Mom's side) she is all of 90 pounds (if that) is short and very fragile. She has emphysema, COPD, arthritis, and a number of other health issues. Adding one more sickness, especially one where she isn't eating, is something that scares us all.

Prayer is such a powerful thing. Prayer (and treatments) have healed my Dad before. It is something that we firmly believe in as a family. My prayer is that through all of this stress and through all these struggles, we become closer as a family. Not just the extended family, but in my immediate family. I pray that we grow closer than we ever have been. My grandma is one of the most important people in my life. Without her there are so many things that I wouldn't know, and so many things that I wouldn't have the confidence to do. She has been my inspiration and my biggest fan for 20 years of my life, and I know that she will continue to be for the rest of hers, and will then join my namesake in Heaven and watch over me until I join the both of them. It scares me so much when she gets sick or isn't doing well. She is so important to me and I couldn't imagine this life without her.

I am continuing to pray daily and hope that all of you are too. Please pray for Dad, for Mom with all the stress she is dealing with, for Jordan and I, for Lindsay and Len and the boys, for Grandma and Papa, and for Uncle Jimbo taking care of them. Please also pray for my ministry at my church in Ark City. We are going through some big changes, and I ask for prayers for guidance and patience through all the changes. My personal ministry is changing from just music ministry and starting to expand to some youth ministry as well. So please be in prayer. Thank you

The Father's Arms

As I go through my days, there are times when I'm feeling a little sadder than usual, and I find myself rocking back and forth, almost as if I'm being rocked by a parent. I start to feel comforted and at peace. I know that this may sound silly, but it's almost as if I'm in God's arms and He is the one rocking me back and forth and giving me that comfort. It's something small, but very significant. The past couple of days have been pretty good. I've had a lot of stuff to keep my mind off the present situation. I've been planning a lock-in and preparing for Praise in the Park. Although the impatient feeling never subsides. Waiting on results has been the story of our lives lately. It seems like we are always waiting. Waiting for results, waiting for the weather and the storm to subside. Last night as the storms came through, usually I have an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I had an immense sense of peace pouring over me. I knew that God would bring us through that storm, just as He is bringing us, slowly but surely, through this storm. I still don't know why, and I probably never will until I meet face to face with the Great Creator, but I know that whatever the outcome and whatever the results, as a family, we will make it.

Starting over

So the past year of my life has been, to say the least, a roller coaster of emotions. I knew that once Shawn was put back in my life by God, that there was a plan in motion. Something was going to happen, or several somethings, and whether they would be good or not, had yet to be seen. I got a great job at Family Video, where they were willing to work with my fixed schedule from the Rec Center. They were also willing to allow me Sunday mornings off, since I have a 45 minute drive to and from my church. Point for the good side. Things started happening at my church. Such as, we are moving in a direction to reach outside of our four walls and grow our ministries. Another point for the good side. Everything was looking up! And then last Thursday we got the dreadful news and the Doctor used that awful C word. The cancer is more advanced and more aggressive this go-round. I broke into pieces with that news. It seems like after all the progress we made as a family through all of Dad's treatments and appointments, everything just started over and we were back where we started, except in a worse position this time. I don't know why this has happened to our family. I find myself asking that question a lot. Yesterday, I fasted. Hoping that through my sacrifice and prayers throughout the day, that an answer would be given to me. Of course, I'm not being patient with God, and until I am, He won't give me any answers. Even still, the question haunts me and looms over my head. I know that God is here, and I know that He has His arms around my family, but at times, it feels like that's not enough. I know He has the power to heal Dad and take away this suffering, but I can't wrap my head around why He won't.
In everything there is a reason. This I know, and have always known. One of the reasons that Shawn is back in my life is because God knew how much I would need the extra support through this time. I don't like God's plan sometimes. It kinda sucks, to be honest. But I know that if He leads us to it, He will lead us through it. And when we come out on the other side as stronger people, and as an even stronger family, we will know that it is good. Because God said it is.
Jeremiah 29:11- "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'"